Directing the Camera

Mary GRABS a crowbar and tip-toes up the stairs and comes up behind her FATHER and SMASHES him over the back of the head and it EXPLODES in blood, skull and brain matter as he CRUMPLES to the ground.

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From a post at r/Screenwriting by filmcanman* suggesting this is a better way:

Mary GRABS a crowbar. Tip-toes up the stairs. Comes up behind her FATHER. SMASHES him over the back of the head. It EXPLODES in blood, skull and brain matter. He CRUMPLES to the ground.

What's the real difference?  What we see when we read it. In the first instance WE SEE a full shot of the scene, we see her full torso and we see the stairway.  We see her father standing with her in the frame raising the crowbar and smashing him.

In the first case, a director is going to make a lot of decisions about what to shoot and how. Or, not make decisions and use a lot of full and wide angles to include all of this action with these people. 

But in the second case, WE SEE:

• Grabbing a crowbar.
• Feet tip-toeing up stairs.
• Mary behind her father.
• The crowbar raised.
• The smash into the skull.
• Blood, bone, brain flying.
• Father crumpling. 

That's seven shots. The first could be one long tracking shot. I'm not a director, maybe one long tracking shot is better. But in the second instance, you slow the reader down and imprint a series of specific images in their minds.

Transmit a vision of the movie by using the form of the paragraph to speed the reader through simple descriptive paras, or slow them down during powerful moments. The writer saves words, avoids over-description and can in many cases, effectively directs the scene. 

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*Here is a more complete version of the post:

Don’t use metaphors or similes.
Scene direction must contain verbs. (but avoid passive verbs).
Put sound EFFECTS in CAPS.
Be careful of run-on sentences. Take out the words "And" "As" & "But" whenever possible.
As example:
Mary GRABS a crowbar and tip-toes up the stairs and comes up behind her FATHER and SMASHES him over the back of the head and it EXPLODES in blood, skull and brain matter as he CRUMPLES to the ground.
Should read:
Mary GRABS a crowbar. Tip-toes up the stairs. Comes up behind her FATHER. SMASHES him over the back of the head. It EXPLODES in blood, skull and brain matter. He CRUMPLES to the ground.

http://www.reddit.com/r/Screenwriting/comments/1yxhcv/fight_scene/cfoslzj