Whom are Now...

INT. THE CACTUS - DAY
A redneck's culinary wet dream with a novelty DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS flag hung with pride, customized neon signs, and stuffed woodland critters speckling the faux, wood paneled walls of this Jim-Bob version of Denny's.

West Texas diner as described by a budding screenwriter looking for a critique of his work.  It causes me to wish so very much that the conceit of a writer inserting himself into his story in order to impress the reader with the smug contempt he has for the cardboard cut-out world and characters he, himself, created would be more widely recognized as the sophomoric inanity it truly is.

His version of a person.  In this case, diner waitress:

MARTHA
I knew it.  I figured just by lookin' at'chas yous were.  But when I noticed y'allz vehicle parked out there I--

I believe it's possible the intent of the writer was to amuse.  Which he did when he wrote this action line:

Chase's eyes veer up and back over to:  Trevor and Elly, whom are now molesting one another with kisses. 

Whom are now.  I did not make this up.  I also recognize that this brings out the smug superiority in my own soul every time.  But also my concern for the sad hopeful who wrote it. 

Imagine this lands in the lap of a reader raised in West Texas and who didn't sleep though middle school English grammar and possibly attended an institution of higher education. They might even know how rare it is to find "faux" wood paneling as it's much cheaper to make wood paneling out of wood than whatever one might find to fashion into a resemblance of wood paneling. 

Respect your characters, your work and yourself enough to learn your craft.  You are a writer.  Words have meaning.  Nuance.  Grammar is more than how someone refers to their parent's mother in the Vermont woods.  

It's hard enough to succeed.  Don't shoot yourself in the foot while trying position yourself as superior to the waitress who could be the very picture of your reader's Grammar and who is smart enough to never try and make herself sound like anything she is not.